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Realizations at Night

April 23, 2012

March 15th, 2012 11:11pm

I remember standing in front of a mountain covered in snow. There were others around, but their attention was affixed on another mountain of snow. (Was it a mountain covered in snow or a mountain of snow? – I can’t remember.) I remember standing there, thinking to myself, I can do this – I can jump over it. The sight of the mountain was taunting, but I was sure that one leap would be all that it would take to get over to the other side.

So I prepared myself for it. I took a couple steps back and breathed in and out. I was going to do this; I could already feel the adrenaline kicking in. I got into the running stance and kicked off with my back foot. I was running, and running. I propelled my “jumping leg” as far as it could go, but plat – I had fallen flat on my face, my arms and legs outstretched like a star fish clinging onto a reef for its dear life. It wasn’t pretty. I raised my head and looked around to see if anyone had seen what had just happened. Lucky for me, everyone was too concentrated on the other mountain to notice what was going on over here. Slowly, I pushed myself off the side of the mountain and slid back down to ground level. I took a moment to brush the snow off myself.

I took a step back and made a weird face. I was thinking of ways of how to get onto the other side. I didn’t know why, but I just knew that I wanted to get over to the other side.

My thought was suddenly interrupted by the crowd of people still gathering over by the other mountain of snow. Mindlessly, I walked over to see what all the commotion was about. As I got closer, people began clearing the way so that eventually, I was standing right in front of the mountain of snow. I looked up at it and couldn’t decide whether this mountain of snow was bigger than the one I had just tried to conquer. I didn’t know what came over me, but I really wanted to try this mountain on for size. People were still chattering among themselves, not paying attention to the girl who was just standing awkwardly in the middle.

I got into my running stance. That was when people started to take notice. As I pushed off from my back foot, I could hear people starting to chant my name. It was a slow-motion scene from a movie – I started running and people started cheering. I ran faster and faster; I threw my hands out in front of me to catapult myself over. And what do you know, I got over it. But there was a problem. Somehow, I had gotten over, but now, I was clinging onto the tip of the mountain, with my legs hanging over the other side. I took a peak at the fall and decided that it was too far of a jump. People yelled over to me from the side of the mountain that I had just left.

C’mon, let go! You can do it! They said.

I shook my head frantically, even though I knew they couldn’t see me.

That was when a soothing voice overcame me – it was a male’s voice. There’s someone on the other side to help you down, he said.

When I heard that, I looked down again, and sure enough, there was someone there – someone who had strong arms. So I let go and instead of falling, I was brought back to Earth by someone who had strong arms.

That was a dream I had two nights ago. Last night, I had another mountain-climbing dream.

But this time, I was with my family. We were at some kind of amusement park. I don’t remember much of the details, but I do remember climbing another mountain covered with snow. I remember that it was the only way out of the amusement park, and that we had no choice but to climb.

I was the first to start climbing. All was dandy until I was about to reach the top. All of a sudden, I was tired, and didn’t think I could go on. But I looked down and saw that the rest of family members were there. If I let go now, I thought to myself, everyone below me will fall too. I knew that I couldn’t let go. I knew that not only was my life at stake, but other lives were too. I didn’t care that I would fall to my death, but I did care that my loved ones would. So I trekked on. Panting and sweating, I reached for the last inch and heaved myself over. It took all that was in me to get to the top, and in my heart, I knew that it would have been impossible without knowing that my family was there.

That was the dream I had last night.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about who I am, who I want to be, and what I want to do. I’ve realized that my dreams were trying to tell me somethingAs clichéd as this sounds, I can be whoever I want to be because I believe in myself, and people believe in me. I have been feeling very tired lately; my schedule has exhausted me. But I know it’ll all be worth it in the end – I’m reaching for the last inch.

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