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Taking After Narcissus

July 27, 2013

I don’t mean to be narcissistic… but seriously, sometimes, when I reread a paper that I had written the day before (sometimes years before), I think to myself, God, this is sooooooooooooooo good.

Actually, to hell with narcissism (and being modest)!

Sometimes, when I reread papers I had just written, I question whether I actually wrote it. I mean, some papers just sound like they’ve been messengered to me from a genius alien from outer space. Did I write that? Impossible! How did that come out of my brain? Sometimes, when I’m reading old papers and come across a “really big word,” I tell myself, good job, Tina.

Other times, I write papers and come back to them days later and think, Holy shit, this is gold.

But this only happens with academic papers (and blog posts).

I almost always think my creative pieces are garbage… except for this one poem I wrote once when I was drunk; it was about glasses and pointed to the irony of how we use glasses to see others and yet, most of us hide from the world from behind our glasses (great idea right? Don’t steal it!!) and this one-act play I wrote about a crazy, neurotic old woman whom I based on myself. But I lost the glasses poem because while I was drunk and writing the poem from under my covers in my bed, my roommate asked me what I was doing, and I was suspicious of her and suspected that she would steal my poem while I was sleeping, so I hid the poem so well… that I never found it again. Seriously.

So really, I only have one extraordinary creative piece, which is the one-act play, and a bunch of really great academic papers.

You know how they say, “She’s having a LiLo moment”? (Okay, so maybe no one really says that.) Everybody should have a Narcissus moment.

They call it narcissism–I call it self-confidence.

“Sometimes when I think how good my book can be, I can hardly breathe.” — Truman Capote (Author of Breakfast at Tiffany’s)

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