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Breathing In the New Year

January 5, 2014

The title of this post has two meanings.

On the one hand, it means that now in the new year (well, five days into the new year), I am finally breathing. I am finally breathing because I have just received my last mark from the previous semester, and I am happy to report that contrary to the hard and fast belief that I had failed, I actually achieved a mark that was well above something that constitutes failure.

On the other hand, the title of this posts means that I am imagining myself standing at the top of a mountain, breathing in the freshness of the new year. My face is lifted upwards, the wind is blowing through my hair, and my eyes are closed. Nothing can be heard save for the melodies of song sparrows perched in the nearby tree. I am breathing.

I am breathing because I am relieved that I did not fail. I am breathing because I am relieved that “my luck hasn’t run out just yet.”

But no, this is wrong. I need to stop attributing my successes to luck. I need to stop clutching onto all of my “lucky charms” (not the cereal) when I check my marks. Deep down, I have always known that it was because I had studied hard that I received that A in psych or that I had completed hundreds of practice questions before I achieved that A in math. Yet still, there has always been a small part of me that truly believes that luck had been by my side all of those times–that luck had been playing favourites, and that I had just so happened to be hanging around while it was choosing someone to help.

Perhaps it is because I am afraid of failure that I attribute my successes to luck, for if successes are attributed to luck then surely failures must be, too.

But the new year calls for a time for me to step back and know that my successes are wholly correlational to the amount of work that I put into a project–that luck neither plays a factor in whether I am able to knit a whole blanket in a month nor does it play a role in whether I am able to achieve that A in 18th-Century English Lit.

Indeed, it is now the new year, and I am breathing. But what am I breathing? I am breathing in the freshness of the new year–the freshness that gives me hope, excitement, and confidence.

Taken from my apartment balcony. This is why I love waking up at 6 a.m. every morning.

Taken from my apartment balcony. This is why I love waking up at 6 a.m. every morning.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 5, 2014 8:32 pm

    congrats on passing and great post!

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